Across Generations: Difficult Dialogue and Crucial Conversations
In the end, the research showed it comes down to communication, or more specifically, a willingness to ‘listen with the intention of learning’. Are both parties, in good faith, looking for a solution or are they looking to ‘win’?
Sam Bobertz, certified Workplace Big-Five Psychometric assessor and Managing Director, StarMaker HK, speaks with the company Founder and Leadership Communication Coach, Teresa Norton ... who also happens to be his mother.
Sam: We recently carved out time to talk through some of the challenges we faced as a mother/son team. How do you feel about sharing around that?
Teresa: (Laughing) Yes, well it was a case of “Physician, heal thyself” - putting into practice what we advise our clients to do! So ... sure, let’s go for it.
Sam: Maybe we can start off by giving a little context to what prompted the conversation, then look at some of the strategies we used that might help others navigate sensitive communication in the workplace.
Teresa: Well, our case is somewhat unique because there aren’t many mother/son businesses, but basically, the conversation was about transitioning from your having come to work for me eight years ago, then us working as partners for the last six years, and now me working part-time, for you. Not a power struggle, but ... we struggled with the shift in roles.
Sam: I did quite a bit of research on small businesses and the challenges that arise when the company Founder “steps down” but... not “out” and the problems that can cause for whoever is replacing them. Also, I read a lot about “family businesses” and the status relationship between parents and adult children. While the roles in the first instance can eventually be restructured when the Founder eventually “steps away”, the roles in a family are cast in stone. There’s no “stepping away” from being a son or daughter. In the end, the research showed it comes down to communication, or more specifically, a willingness to ‘listen with the intention of learning’. Are both parties, in good faith, looking for a solution or are they looking to ‘win’?
Teresa: I really appreciated you having shared that research at the beginning of our talk - it provided a sort of objective view of the inherent challenges in our situation, which positioned it as less about our specific personalities and more about realities that exist for anyone is this situation. You also had us share some contemplative, meditative time together, after which we wrote down what came up as feeling important to us during the silence. We didn’t share those notes, but it was helpful to capture the thoughts that surfaced for me before we began our dialogue. I also could go back throughout the day to look at what I’d written.
Sam: We looked at our Workplace Big-Five Psychometric scores, focusing just on the personality traits that fall at opposite ends of the spectrum from one another, so we could unpack a few specific situations where current communication strategies were creating misunderstandings and resentments.
Teresa: I believe that setting a 3-minute timer so that we each could share, uninterrupted and with a reasonable constraint on length, helped us really “listen to understand” the other person rather than defending our own actions/motivations. I should add that, although there are built-in challenges when working with a family member, there was, in our case, at least, a strong desire for what would be most beneficial for both parties.
Sam: As we got toward the end of the day, we shared and discussed our individual “wants” and “needs” in terms of roles and responsibilities within the business. Both made some compromises—being willing to let go of some tasks take on others. And we listed and then committed to employing some different strategies for communicating going forward.
Teresa: Finally, we listed a bunch of fun things we’d like to do together that have nothing to do with the business—great wrap up to the day.
Sam: All work and no play…
Teresa: Too right!
Paul Arkwright
Publisher
