Teresa Norton, Founder, StarMaker HK, speaks with her son, Sam Bobertz, Managing Director of the company on the topic of men’s mental well-being.
Teresa: Sam, we’ve been asked to participate in a panel discussion about men’s mental well-being, and when discussing the topic, you raised the question: “What needs to happen in order for men
to prioritize their emotional and psychological well-being?” What do you see as the obstacles that prevent men from seeing mental/emotional health as important as, say, physical, professional, or financial wellness?
Sam: I think that there are many factors at play here. Some are primal - more biological, some are social - what’s being modelled for boys and young men. I’ve always been interested in the phenomena of being ‘cool’ and how it relates to expectations around masculinity. “Coolness” as an archetype is understood as being about effortlessness. It describes being well-adjusted to a given environment. The pop star looks less ‘cool’ than the athlete playing sports, or the surfer looks clumsy next to the celebrity chef on a cooking show. Across cultures, this ideal of ‘mastery’ and ‘ability’ seems to be synonymous with being anti-fragile and self-reliant. But because we are capable of being high-status in one situation and low-status in another, it’s impossible for us not to be fragile and/or vulnerable sometimes. So, we “act cool” and that overcorrection is where a man’s reluctance to ask for help and explore his psychological well-being often stems.
Teresa: Looking at that sort of blasé, acting out, I think of the scene from the movie/musical Grease, in which two teenagers, Danny, and Sandy, meet and fall in love over the summer, Olivia Newton John’s character was meant to return to Australia, so there’s this, you know, sort of “heartbroken” parting at the very start of the film. But it turns out she stays and is enrolled at Danny’s high school, and there’s this happiness, this total bliss, that Danny displays when he’s taken by surprise to see her on campus. But when he becomes aware that his male buddies are watching him, he turns the genuine emotion off like a faucet tap and acts as if he doesn’t care about her at all. That would be the social-modelled norms coming into play?
Sam: It’s a movie, but I think that scene is universally relatable. That moment of realizing your friends are watching you, and you need to ‘be cool’. In this case, we’re seeing a sort of “overcorrection” to the vulnerability he exposed when he wasn’t “in control” of his feelings.
Teresa: Intimate vs Performed conversations.
Sam: Exactly.
Teresa: So … back to our question, “What needs to happen?” How do we remove some of these obstacles so that boys and young men can own their emotions and not feel they must perform?
Sam: I was reading about how some UK sports clubs for boys between the ages of 10 - 18 are taking it upon themselves to encourage boys and young men to consider the relationship between behaviour and well-being. To think more long term about how to conduct themselves as well rounded members of society.
Teresa: Most men in the workforce today haven’t had the benefit of early encouragement to connect feelings with behaviour and well-being, but this is more and more becoming part of the conversation around workplace wellness. I think it’s interesting how the “Male Allies” and reverse mentorship programs that The Women’s Foundation are running have affected the men involved. While the impact of a healthier, safer, more equitable environment for women is the goal of Male Ally programmes, research is being conducted around the positive impact it is having for the men who participate, including the paper recently published by the American Psychological Association: Good for the goose and good for the gander: Examining positive psychological benefits of male allyship for men and women.
Sam: There’s a lot of knitting that needs to be unravelled, and there is clearly a lot changing within the conversation. It’s exciting to be on the cusp of change. It’s important for men to recognise, own and find safe ways to express how they feel. Emotions are rich with insight and can inform our ability to make thoughtful decisions.
Teresa: And to ask for help.
Sam: Yes, and to ask for help.
Paul Arkwright
Publisher
